Silence
by Aidan Montague
Summary: Okay, this is about what happens after Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. So if you don't know who died, or don't want to know, don't read it. Full summary inside.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This idea came to me suddenly during the middle of the night. IT IS ALL ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS IN THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX, SO DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it. It's all J. K. Rowling's.  
  
Summary: Since Sirius's death, Harry has refused to speak. No one quite knows when it began, but when Harry drug himself to school, that seemed to be the most he was capable of. He quit the Quidditch team, and rarely did his homework. He just lay on his bed. Draco's getting annoyed.  
  
Prologue: Draco's Reason  
  
I know, you're probably thinking, Draco Malfoy? Help Harry Potter? Well, I wouldn't call it helping. Not at all. I don't care, if he wants to clam up, that's his business. But, I kinda miss fighting with him, and Quidditch just won't be as fun without him to play Gryffindor Seeker.  
Don't get me wrong, I don't like him.but I don't hate him. I figure if I can't be his friend.well, everyone needs a rival. Someone to keep them on their toes. That's what I am, everyone knows that.  
You remember way back in our first year, when I offered to show him the ropes? You know, be his friend? At the time, all I wanted was to have the Boy-Who-Lived on my side, to have the power. I'm a Malfoy; I was raised that way.  
At the time, when he refused my hand, I wasn't.sad.just angry. After all, no one had ever flat out refused me before.it was a new experience. Over the course of that year, I watched him. I played the part of his enemy, but deep down, that really hurt me. I realized that I did want to be his friend, and I was jealous. So, I became his rival. If I can't be his friend, I can at least still be involved in his life.  
We fought about everything. If he liked something, I hated it, no matter what my true feelings were. But I kept finding myself wondering what it would be like to be his friend. Over time, I fell more and more into the role, my jealousy consuming me. My father was proud. I was becoming more like him every day.  
Last year, all that changed. I realized his life wasn't so simple. I felt sorry for him. I wanted more than ever to drop the charade, to beg his forgiveness, and be his friend. But, I couldn't.he.no matter what my plan was, I just couldn't muster the courage.  
After he landed my dad in Azkaban, well, I was angry, sure.but I know Lucius deserved it. When I faced off against Potter, I knew something had changed, but I still don't know what caused the change. He's much different. But he changed again. He went from quiet, to ready to fight, to absolute silence and solitude. His attitude is one of.well I can't shake the feeling that he might off himself at any moment.  
And it's really starting to bug me! I do hereby, solemnly swear that I, Draco Malfoy, will make Harry Potter talk once more. Do you hear that? By the end of this school year, he will be back to normal. That is my solemn duty! 


	2. chapter 2

A/N: Well, that was fun to write, and here is some more. I don't know where I got this idea.but it's playing out pretty nice. Tell me what you think please!  
  
Disclaimer: Well, it all belongs to J.K. Rowling.  
  
Chapter 1: Harry's Summer  
  
Harry lay on his bed. The silence surrounding him was deafening. Yet he didn't move. He stared at the ceiling, unblinkingly. "Why Sirius? Why not someone else?" he cried quietly. He closed his eyes, trying to blink away the tears. He'd cried enough. Sirius wouldn't want him to act like this. Still, he didn't move.  
He heard muffled sounds of movement downstairs. Likely his Uncle Vernon, looking to find a job for him. He turned over and stared aimlessly at the white sheets on his bed. He lifted his head slightly when he heard Hedwig tapping at the window with her beak. He almost didn't bother to get up. But Hedwig's taps became more insistent, and he slowly trudged over to the window. As he unlatched it and slid it open, he realized she would likely have a letter from someone. Someone who didn't care. Not so much as they pretended. How could they care? Sirius wasn't their godfather!  
Hedwig hooted softly as she flew in and landed softly on his bed, holding out her leg. He trudged heavily back to the bed and sat down. "BOY!" came the shout from downstairs. He ignored it. As he untied the letter, there came the sound of feet on the staircase. Hedwig flew out the open window. He slowly opened the letter; completely ignoring his uncle's continued shouts and the nearing footfalls.  
He sighed when he saw the writing in the letter. It was Lupin. Again.  
Harry, How are you holding up? Doing well I hope? Everyone sends their greetings, though I know you likely don't want to hear it. I would like to hear from you Harry, everyone is getting worried. If you don't send us a response soon, we will have to come and get you. Much as I regret to have to disturb your mourning, I know it is best to have someone to talk to. I miss him too Harry, but I know he was happiest to go that way. Please don't blame yourself, I realize this may be hard for you, but don't. Please, write me back. If no one else, I really want to hear from you. This grows increasingly hard to write, as I don't know what you're going through. The person I lost may be the same as you, but he meant something different to me than he did to you. Are your relatives treating you all right? Not abusing you I hope?  
Love, Remus Lupin  
The door slammed open as he finished the letter. Uncle Vernon stood in the doorway, his face purple. Harry dropped the letter on the ground and stared blankly at him. "What?" he asked quietly. "WHAT? WHAT? I YELL FOR YOU, AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU IGNORE ME! THAT'S WHAT! THAT WILL NOT BE TOLERATED! I WANT TO SEE YOU DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW!" Uncle Vernon yelled. Harry did not even blink at the sound. "If you don't want to attract attention, I wouldn't advise yelling. I'm sure the neighbors heard you." Harry told him, using more words at once than his uncle had heard him use all summer. His uncle's face went a darker shade of purple, and he pointed towards the stairs. "Downstairs! Now!" he hissed, in an attempt to keep his voice down. Harry ignored him. He stared at the wall above the door, and ran his fingers through his hair. His uncle marched in and grabbed his arm in a tight grip, jerking him to his feet. "What is your problem?" Uncle Vernon spat angrily, his large purple face only a small space away from Harry's. He shook Harry around a bit, trying to catch his attention. Harry stayed silent. His head shook around, and he could feel bruises forming from Vernon's fingers. But he stayed silent, feeling he deserved the pain.  
Vernon dropped him on the ground and stared down at him angrily, wondering why he would not talk. "Boy, come downstairs, your Aunt and Dudley are waiting." He whispered, his voice at a dangerous level. He then stomped off without waiting to see if Harry was listening.  
Harry sighed and picked himself up off the floor. He brushed himself off and walked quietly to the door. It had been like this everyday for the whole summer. Of course, Harry did not bother to owl anyone about it, and the Dursleys seemed to know he would not tell, because the beatings only increased.  
He paused to look mournfully out the open window, glanced down at Remus's letter, and thought he might write him back. Hermione and Ron had also owled him, though he just threw their letters away, not wanting to hear what fun they were having. They didn't understand, no one did.  
Then he walked slowly out the door and down the stairs to where his Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon waited. He could hear Dudley whining to his father about having to stay at home today, but Vernon would have none of it.  
He paused at the foot of the stairs, completely unnoticed, and surveyed the scene. They didn't seem to be too angry, so he assumed they would be assigning him another pointless task so they could laugh at him and slap him around when he did it wrong. He was almost sorry they weren't mad, it would have been better.  
"BOY?! WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG?" Uncle Vernon shouted. Harry drug himself out to the living room where his relatives waited. They all seemed to be looking at him rather like a cat looks at a mouse. And for once, he could have cared less.  
He looked directly at them. "What do you want?" he asked quietly. Dudley seemed a little frightened. This side of his cousin was new to him, and he seemed a bit more dangerous.  
Aunt Petunia smiled. But not at Harry. "It's alright Duddykins, Mommy won't let him hurt you." Dudley's face went red. He seemed to be trying not to shout something. Harry would have found it comical.if he had cared. "For the thousandth time Mother! DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Dudley shouted furiously.  
"Now, now son, don't yell at your mother. Boy, we want you to clean the entire house, including Dudley's room, and ours. And wash the windows, and cut the grass. We also want you to give the house a new paint job.it's peeling. As well as wash the dishes and make us some lunch. Then, if you're lucky, you can have some lunch as well." Vernon rattled off. They sat in silence for a moment or two, waiting for some type of protest from him. Harry made none. He shrugged and turned away to get started. They watched him go not sure what to say.  
  
Much later that night, Harry was finally finished. He lay down on his bed, too tired to bother with Remus's letter. Maybe tomorrow he'd owl him. Remus at least, seemed to understand.  
It seemed like only seconds later when he was roused from his bed by an incessant beating on his door. "Get up! There's work to be done! You need to redo it all, it wasn't done correctly!" his Aunt Petunia screeched on her way down the hall. Harry rubbed his eyes and put his glasses on. He tiredly swung his legs over the side of the bed, and went to find some paper. At last he found some, and placed it gently on the desk. He got out a quill and began writing.  
Remus, Yes, I'm just fine. I've just been busy, that's all. Don't worry, my relatives are treating me fine. I'm sorry that Sirius died, but, as you said, he's happy now, I'm sure. I miss him. Don't come and get me, I'd rather stay here. It's boring at frimmauld Place. Tell everyone I'm just fine.  
Love, Harry Then, looking around the room for Hedwig, he found her in her cage. He walked over and opened the door slightly wider. Hedwig woke with a soft hoot of annoyance. But when he held out the letter, she came out and landed on his arm. He attached the letter and petted her head. She looked at him kindly, if that's possible, and flew out the still open window. Harry shut it behind her.  
Harry wandered slowly downstairs and into the kitchen, where everyone was sitting and talking. He noticed that they had no trace of food or dishes on the table and wondered vaguely if they had eaten already. Dudley noticed him first. "Look Mother, he's up!" he told her, as if Harry couldn't hear him.  
Petunia glanced at her nephew. "Make breakfast, and don't burn it." She snarled. Everyone then went back to their discussion. Harry took out a pan, and the breakfast ingredients. He felt he should have known this was coming. He made a wonderful breakfast and served it to them, saving nothing for himself.  
He then trudged back up to his room to stare at the ceiling again. 


	3. chapter 3

A/N: I don't know why, but this format is more fun to write. So, I'll likely have someone's POV every other chapter. I'll try and keep them short, but it's fun to make these people ramble on about everything!  
  
Disclaimer: Unless I somehow manage to buy the rights to these people from Rowling, it's all hers.  
  
Chapter 2: Remus's Rescue  
  
I knew something was wrong from the very beginning. Harry usually wrote back immediately. I gave him some leeway because of what he was going through. I felt nearly the same way. I'm not sure if it was worse for him or me, but I do know that I have to take care of him. Sirius would be angry if something happened to him. I know he would. So it falls to me. I get to be his Godfather. Even though I'm not really. I'll take up his job. I hope Harry doesn't get angry.  
I kept writing him letters, but I never got any response. Not until last week that is. The letter didn't sound like him at all. Not at all. He was merely trying to pacify my curiosity, and I know that. I know he is still upset about Sirius's death. I myself will never truly be over that. I saw him die, and that is something I will never forget. Maybe Sirius didn't see James and Lily die, but he saw their bodies, and their burning house. Which is more than I saw. I can't believe I ever doubted him. I was upset about James and Lily, but that was nothing compared to Sirius. Sure, I didn't see him, but I know that he felt worse than I did. He was closer to the two of them then I was. It must have hurt to see their bodies and know you could do nothing.  
But I'm getting off topic. My point is, I know how it feels now, to lose the only friend you feel that you truly have in the world. And Sirius was more than my friend.  
He was Harry's Godfather; he looked out for him like his own father, placing Harry's life before his own. Deep down, I know Harry blames himself, and I can't help but blame him as well. I will never tell him that, but it was his fault, in a way. I can't blame him for being deceived by Voldemort, many have been. No, I blame him for not waiting to hear if Severus got in contact with Sirius. He should have used his common sense.  
I almost didn't bother holding Harry back from the veil. I almost just let him fall. But I knew Sirius would have definitely found some way back and then he would not have been pleased with me for it. I know Sirius.  
Okay. I'm off topic.  
Anyway, despite Harry's protests, I went to get him after I got his letter. I took Tonks and Alastor Moody with me as well. I ignored Alastor's attempts to get me to take more people.  
When I got there, I really wasn't expecting what I found. Harry had told me his relatives were treating him just fine. I should have known he was lying. When I got there, he was busily washing the dishes, his sleeves pulled up. He was ignoring everything else. With good reason too, as his uncle was screaming at him, and hitting him for anything he could think of. Of course, when they saw us, the house went silent. Except for the sound of dishes being washed. I don't know how he could wash dishes while being hit, but all the dishes were sparkleing when I looked at them.  
When we took him back with us, he seemed a little angry. I'm not sure why he was angry with us for taking him away from that.madhouse.  
Nearly a week later, he still hasn't said a word. To anyone. I suppose he just needs some time. 


	4. chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own it, so stop looking at me that way!  
  
A/N: How do you like it so far? Good? I hope so. The upside of having a story to write: I don't have to baby-sit my bratly sister!  
  
Chapter 4: Grimmauld Place  
Sometime during the summer, Harry didn't know when exactly, Remus found it a good idea to come and get him. Harry was washing the dishes at the time. His uncle was beating on him for the non-existent specks of dirt on the dishes. Harry didn't care. He may have known he hadn't done a thing wrong, but he didn't care. He wanted Vernon to beat him. He wanted the pain.  
Still, he washed the dishes, not flinching, not cringing. Just scrubbing the dishes. So when his uncle stopped, it took him a few moments to notice. He realized there was just the sound of running water. Harry turned. His eyes widened as he saw Remus, Moody, and Tonks standing behind him. The entire room was silent, save for the running water behind him. He stood, staring, with a wet dish clutched in one hand, and the dishrag in the other.  
"Wotcher Harry! We decided to come and get you!" Tonks announced cheerfully. Harry glared and shook his head. He turned back to the dishes and began scrubbing again. Everyone stared at him. Remus walked up and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry shook it off. "Harry, come on, let's go. We'll get your stuff, you can stop washing the dishes." Remus told Harry. Harry ignored him. "Out! Get out of my house! Can't you see he wants to stay!" Vernon yelled angrily. "Silence you yammering fool of a Muggle!" Moody yelled at Vernon. Vernon spluttered angrily. Dudley hid behind his mother. Tonks ran upstairs for Harry's trunk, which had never got unpacked.  
Harry continued washing the dishes, oblivious to what was going on around him. Petunia stared incredulously at Harry. "Harry, don't you want to leave?" Remus asked him curiously. Harry shook his head. Vernon grabbed Harry's arm and jerked him around to face everyone. Harry stared at the floor. "Boy, tell them to leave. Tell them!" Vernon told him, shaking him around. "Stop it! Leave him alone! What do you think you're doing?!" Remus shouted, pulling Vernon's meaty hand off of Harry's arm.  
Behind them, unnoticed, the sink was filling up with water. Harry jerked away from Remus's stare, and ran away up the stairs. Remus stared after him, a look of utter astonishment on his face. Moody glared dangerously at Vernon, his magical eye staring up through the ceiling at Harry. "What have you done to him?" Moody asked dangerously. Dudley backed away, and Petunia crept towards the living room. "And where do you think you're going?" Remus asked her. Vernon appeared unsure of what to do with himself. Moody took another step towards Vernon. "You tell him he should come with us! Give him your permission." Moody whispered. Vernon nodded, frightened.  
Harry sat on his bed, upstairs, trying to ignore Tonks's incessant chitchat. "And you really don't know what you've been missing! Everyone's been so worried about you, and I told them that you were fine. Of course, no one really believed me, so I had to come and see you. I'm so glad you're going to be coming back with us!" she told him. Harry stared at her, a look of utter loathing on his face. But he didn't say anything.  
Tonks grabbed his trunk again. "Will you help me get this downstairs Harry? It's a little heavy." She asked. Harry ignored her. He turned away, staring out the open window. "Oh, don't worry Harry, we've got Hedwig." She told him, misinterpreting his stare. "Are you coming?" she asked. Harry ignored her, still staring out the window. She blinked and dropped the trunk. "Harry?" she asked walking over to him. He glanced up at her, the hate gone from his eyes, replaced by a dark cloud of sadness. "Oh, Harry, are you still upset about Sirius?" She gave him a hug. Harry shrugged off her arms and walked over to the door where his trunk was waiting. He walked over the trunk and back downstairs.  
He walked into the kitchen where Remus was screaming at Petunia and Moody was fixing to hex Vernon. The scene went silent as Harry walked back over to the sink, where the water was flowing onto the ground. Remus walked over to Harry. Harry turned off the water and stared blankly at the water on the floor. He picked up the towel and started wiping it up. "Harry, are you ready to go?" Moody asked. Remus just stared, unsure of what to say. Tonks came tumbling down the stairs, Harry's trunk flying down above her. "Aaaah! Help! Ouch! Ow! Urgh! Ye-owch!" She shrieked as she hit each of the consecutive stairs. Every head whipped around to stare towards the staircase. Remus ran to help and Moody went back to his threatening.  
At last, after another hour, and many threats, they had Harry convinced to come with them. Or at least, ready to shut them up.  
They arrived at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place much later that night, Harry in tow. Once again, Mrs. Weasley was there to greet them, and Hermione and Ron were there as well. So were Fred and George, much to Mrs. Weasley's dismay.  
Remus carried Harry's stuff up to his room, trying very hard not to wake Sirius's mother. Ron was waiting for Harry in their room, though Harry said nothing to him. Harry walked over to his bed and lay down. Ron looked at him. "Well, it's nice to see you too Harry." He said dryly. Harry just sighed. Fred and George apparated next to him. "Hullo Harry! Nice to see you!" Fred grinned. "We were wondering when you were going to get here! You'll never guess what happened!" George exclaimed. Harry turned over and stared at the wall. "What's wrong with him?" George mouthed at Ron. Ron shook his head. " I dunno." he said. They all stared at him a few more seconds, then Fred walked over and layed a hand on his shoulder.  
"Oi, Harry, something the matter?" he asked him curiously. Harry looked up at him, his emerald eyes shining with unshed tears. Fred sat down on the bed beside Harry. Silence fell over the room, Harry staring at the wall, Fred staring at Harry, and Ron and George staring at each other.  
At last Harry sat up and looked at them. Fred waited expectantly, an expression of concern on his face. "Yes?" he asked. Harry stared at him. He blinked.  
Ron stared at the scene unfolding before him. George coughed, trying to hide a laugh. Harry stared at George. George smiled. "Yes Harry?" he asked. Ron stared at Harry. "Goodnight Harry." He said quietly, before turning over and falling dead asleep. Harry turned to stare at Ron as well, although Ron paid him no mind, being asleep and all.  
Fred looked annoyed. "Well Harry? Aren't you going to at least say hi? It's been all summer since we've seen you!" he asked in an annoyed sort of way. Harry brushed his hair out of his face with one hand, and straightened his glasses with the other. He then promptly turned to face the wall once more. This ended all attempts at communication from either of the twins.  
After exchanging a glance, the two boys walked out of the room and onto the landing, quietly shutting the door behind them. Harry could faintly hear them arguing in whispers as they walked off down the hall.  
Harry listened to the noises of the house. He could hear Ron's snores and footsteps above him as Fred and George walked towards their room. He heard Hedwig's soft hooting and the sound of muffled voices downstairs. He got up and walked out the door, leaning over the railing so as to hear the adults better.  
"Well we went to get him today didn't we?" Tonks was asking. He couldn't see her. He heard the sound of someone replying, though what exactly they said he couldn't tell. "Well, no they weren't treating him as nicely as he had told me.but how could I have known?" Harry heard Remus tell someone. There was more mumbling and Harry heard something clatter to the ground as Tonks yelped an apology. Harry strained to hear more of the conversation. They were, after all, most obviously talking about him.  
"Professor Dumbledore will be most unhappy with this development. Are you sure Remus?" someone asked anxiously. Harry thought it might have been Snape, but he wasn't quite sure. This question was followed by the sound of something breaking and Mrs. Black's unearthly screeches. Harry, realizing he wouldn't hear anymore of the conversation, went back into his room and crawled into bed.  
It was a few more hours before Harry finally fell into an uneasy sleep. 


	5. chapter 5

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.  
  
A/N: Hi again! Yeah I'm back again! What do you think so far? I'm enjoying writing it! Please keep writing me reviews, and let me know if you have any suggestions on what should happen.I've got a general idea for the plot, but I'll take suggestions. K, see you later!  
  
Chapter 5: Ron  
Hey, it's Ron here. Anyone know what's going on with Harry? He won't talk to me. Did I say something to offend him? He hasn't said anything to anyone else either, come to think of it. Something really awful must have happened to him. I know he's choked up about Sirius, but he needs to talk  
about it.  
I've really missed him this summer, and when I heard Remus and Tonks  
talking about going to get him, I was ecstatic! Fred and George where  
pretty happy too.  
When he first got here, it was pretty late, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But it's been a few weeks, and the most I've gotten out of  
him was a dirty look and a slap across the face for insulting Sirius.  
I'm wondering how he's gonna do in school. You have to talk in school  
don't you? So if he won't talk, how's he going to pass his classes?  
And Professor Snape. He's going to come down especially hard on Harry. He's been here a couple of times to check on Harry. Though he always says he's got another reason for being here, it's quite obvious he's here  
to check on Harry.  
Or Malfoy. Honestly, Harry needs to think ahead! Malfoy's not going to suddenly back down because Harry doesn't feel like talking to him. If  
nothing else, it'll get worse.  
We're really going to have to watch Harry's back this year. I hope we  
can do something for him.  
Maybe it's just a phase. Remus took it pretty hard too, but he didn't up and stop talking. Somehow I don't think Remus will be the one to break through Harry's defenses though. Harry won't even LOOK at Remus, so I find it hard to believe HE'D be the one to bring him back. Maybe Mione will be  
able to get him back.  
He's acting so strangely. He won't eat but a few scraps here and  
there, and even those reluctantly. He's neglecting Hedwig, and that in itself is much unlike him. Everytime Tonks or Remus walk into the room he walks out again. Instead of just ignoring Snape's remarks, he stares him straight in the eye until one of them looks away. And the funny thing is,  
it's usually Snape who loses.  
Fred and George have honestly tried everything. They've literally  
exhausted their resources. You'd think that out of everything that they  
had, SOMETHING would have cheered him up. But no, not Harry. When he's  
down, he's really down.  
I've talked to him. It's like talking to a wall. Or Crookshanks. Not  
that I talk to Crookshanks or anything.  
He's scaring me. I want to help him, really I do! Please understand, he's my best friend! But I don't know anything about these kind of things!  
Mum and Dad have tried a lot too, though I doubt they'll give up  
anytime soon.  
I've seen him staring at that blank picture in our room. He'll just stare at it. It could be hours, or mere seconds. I don't know what to do.  
Really I don't.  
I told him about my summer, but I didn't tell him about Fred and  
George's big news. I figure that that's their business. They can decide  
when to tell him.  
Lately, whenever the Order's met, Harry's had that scary determined look in his eyes. He's walked into their meetings a couple of times. I'm a little surprised he hasn't noticed Fred and George. Then again, maybe he  
has. After all, how would I know, he doesn't tell me anything.  
Anyway, I've heard from Fred and George that he just sits down at the  
meeting. He listens to everything anyone says. They tried to get rid of him, but he's determined. If I didn't know better, I'd think he meant to  
join up early.  
Listen to me. Like they'd let him join up early! I'm rambling.  
The main point is his reluctance to betray any emotion. I can never  
tell what's going through his head. He doesn't seem to have a temper anymore. He just lets people walk all over him. Like some kind of door mat.  
But insult Sirius and you are dead and gone.  
What are we going to do about him?  
  
A/N: Well, here ends Chapter 5! Tune in soon for Chapter 6 because I'm on a  
roll! My muse has finally returned! I wonder what kept her so long.  
Oh well. Please review and let me know what you think. As always, your flames are welcome as well, though I ask you not to tear apart the plot, that's really discouraging you know? Not to mention any names or anything.  
I think you know who you are. 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Okay, this is really getting on my nerves. I don't own it, how many times must I say this??  
  
A/N: Hullo, it's chapter 6 already! Would you look at that. I didn't think it would be this long. But that's what happens when you add a lot of detail. Anywho, I apologize for my lack of recent updates (HAZZAGRIFF please don't kill me! :.cowers under computer desk.: besides, even if you did kill me, how on earth would you find out what happened next?) blame the schoolwork, or whatever you want. In the end, it was my laziness. I sit here in front of my computer, typing and eating my dinner at the same time. And being forced to listen to the hideous show Yugi-oh. Dear Lord, help me before I strangle my sister. Alright, enough rambling. The story.  
  
Chapter 6:  
Still at Grimmauld Place!  
  
The summer was drawing to a close, and the temperature was rising. You'd think that with the summer ending, it would be cooler, but no. It was hot.  
Inside Grimmauld Place, the normal activity went on. Mrs. Weasley was busily cooking up lunch. Fred and George were acting more secretive than usual; they were definitely up to something. Mrs. Weasley ignored it for once.  
Remus kept himself very much occupied, so as not to think of Sirius. He 'accidentally' found Harry. Though he really wasn't that hard to find.  
Harry sat silently in the bedroom. He hadn't moved yet today. He stared at the blank picture, as if wishing to be swallowed up by it.  
When Remus walked in, his attention shifted to him immediately. He sat up, staring quietly at Remus. When he didn't come any closer, Harry stood up and walked past him without acknowledging his presence. Remus stared after him, wishing he would talk to him.  
Harry wandered around the house, smiling in amusement as Sirius's mother's portrait began screeching insults when he walked past her.  
Harry wandered into the kitchen, feeling hungry, and was surprised to find Hermione sitting silently at the table with her back to the door. Curious, he walked over and sat down next to her. When she didn't say anything, he placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and then looked back down at the table. The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes before Hermione spoke. "Harry, is something bothering you? I haven't heard you speak a word since you got here. Are you still blaming yourself for.?" she asked him quietly, looking up at him. Harry didn't reply. After a few moments, Harry shook his head. Hermione smiled. "That's good. But why won't you talk? You're making everyone worry! They don't really have time for that Harry." She said seriously.  
Harry nodded. Hermione appeared puzzled. "What do you mean?" Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head. Then he stared into the fireplace. After a few minutes, he opened his mouth to say something. He closed it again, a hand rising to his throat. A confused look crossed his face. He blinked, then staring openly at Hermione. "Yes?" she asked. He shook his head and gestured to his throat. When she didn't say anything, he shook his head and threw his arms up in the air. He then got up and walked away. Hermione stared after him. "I wonder what that was about?" she asked quietly. After a few more moments of curious consideration, she went back to her sulky mood and forgot all about it.  
A few minutes later, Harry walked back in, looking slightly embarrassed. He made a beeline for the food. He quickly fixed himself a sandwich and sat down at the table across from Hermione, fixing her with a considering look. She didn't acknowledge his presence.  
Remus walked in, looking for Harry. When he saw Harry, his face lit up and he quickened his pace. He sat down at the table. "Harry, I've been looking for you! Glad to see you out of your room!" he said cheerfully. Harry stared at him, a blank expression on his face. Remus took this to be a sign of disapproval. "I apologize, Harry, perhaps I shouldn't have come looking for you. I know you are able to take care of yourself."  
Harry stared at him harder. After Remus didn't seem to get the point, he got up from the table and left the room, sandwich in hand. Remus blinked, his attention falling on Hermione. "Hermione, what's the matter? Did you and Ron get in a fight?" he asked comfortingly. Hermione sat up straight, a menacing glare present on her face. "Of course we haven't gotten in a fight. And even if we had, why would that bother me? He's just a stupid idiot anyway! Hmph. Men are all alike. They always think they're right, no matter what proof is right in front of them." Hermione preached angrily, shaking her head and crossing her arms. "I don't care what he says. I won't forgive him."  
"I thought you didn't get in a fight?" Remus asked. Hermione glared at him again. "Don't you tell me what I said, I know what I said, and that is NOT what I said." Hermione told him haughtily. Then she too stood and stalked out of the room, leaving Remus to wonder what he had said wrong. Finally deciding to chalk it all up to one of those days, he left the room too. ***  
Later that day, Mrs. Weasley called all the students into the kitchen to discuss what they needed to get in Diagon Alley. It was finally decided that Mrs. Weasley would make the trip into Diagon Alley to get the supplies, and they would just stay where they were.  
The decision suited Harry just fine, as he preferred not to go out into public unless he absolutely had to. Hermione, however, was quite disappointed, and begged Mrs. Weasley to allow her to tag along, as she did not wish to stay in the same house as Ron. Ron blatantly ignored every glare she sent his way, and refused to even look at her.  
Had Harry been in a better mood, he might have wondered just what had happened between the two of them. But since he was not, he did not really care.  
After Mrs. Weasley left, taking Hermione along with her, Ron wheedled Harry into playing a game of chess. It didn't take Ron long to beat him, as Harry was certainly not trying to win the game. After the game, Harry wandered around the house, looking for something to read. However, nothing caught his eye, so he finally just picked a comfortable place to sit, and curled up to think. It didn't take him long to fall asleep.  
Fred and George stumbled upon him a few hours later, completely by accident. They considered waking him, but decided he would likely be less than happy with them if they did. So they let him sleep. They sat down in the room as well, liking Harry's choice of rooms.  
The room had the dank smell of disuse, as well as quite the collection of cobwebs. It looked dark and musty, as though no one had ever really bothered to come in long enough to care about it. There was a bed and a dresser, as well as a painting hanging on one wall. Although it was hard to say what the painting was supposed to be, they chalked it up to abstract art. The bed looked old and uncomfortable, and when Fred sat on it, he jumped back up in surprise as the bed creaked in protest. George began to laugh, but stopped at the look on Fred's face.  
The dresser was a deep brown color, and it appeared to have been used recently. Curious, George opened a drawer. His eyes widened as he saw clothing that both he and Fred recognized to be Sirius's. Neither said a word, but they both glanced over at Harry. The room was distinctly lacking light, due to the dark shade covering the window. There was another door in the room, and Fred's curiousity got the best of him. He tiptoed over and swung the door open cautiously. He was mildly surprised to see another room on the other side of the door.  
The other room looked a little more inviting, due to the obvious effort put into the decorations of the room. The shade was pulled up, letting the light stream in, and the bed was neatly made with a bedspread of bright colors. The place had recently been dusted, and everything sat in a precise order. Fred didn't have to guess to know this was Remus Lupin's room.  
Having had their fill of house exploration, the boys shut the door quietly, though it still made a creaking sound. They left the room quietly, and ran off down the hall, ready to pretend they never found those rooms. With luck, Harry would never discover whose room he had holed himself up in. But luck was never one of their strong points.  
  
*** A/N: Yes, I'm sure HAZZAGRIFF is ready to kill me already, just because I didn't update, even though I JUST posted this. But these things never last long, and I can understand the whole update-or-die thing. After all, I use that threat all the time. Well, that's it for now, so I'll see ya next chapter! Be the first to review me and I'll dedicate my next chapter to you! 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? I'm really sorry for taking so long, I kinda forgot about it. :.once again cowers under desk.: Well, anyway, I remembered didn't I? You wouldn't believe the nasty weather here. I'm half afraid that the power will go out and I'll lose the data on this new chapter. I certainly hope not. Today, I'm home sick. But I'm also bored out of my mind. I've watched The Lord of the Rings twice, two episodes of The Tribe, and Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. And it's only 4:10 in the evening. So that's why I'm here. To be un-bored. If that's even a word.  
  
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies. Don't know what the Standard disclaimer is? Should I shoot you now or later?! I DON'T OWN IT! 'cepting the plot of course. Because that is mine. I've never ran across a Harry Potter fanfic like this one. If there is one out there, I didn't copy the idea, I swear!  
  
This chapter is dedicated to: HAZZAGRIFF! Thank you for your faithful reviews!  
  
Chapter 7: Harry  
  
Yeah, hello everyone. It's me. Harry. I guess you're wondering 'what my problem is'. So is everyone else. It won't make me talk any faster. I don't understand why people won't just leave me alone. I would have been fine at the Dursleys. They weren't mistreating me at all.  
It's all my fault anyway. I deserve the pain, I deserve to feel this way. I certainly don't deserve anything else. I don't deserve to be happy.  
You see, I killed him. I killed Sirius. You don't believe me do you? It was all my fault. You know it as well as I do. No, I didn't want him to die, but that didn't change what happened. Nothing can change what happened. No one can help him. No one can help me.  
I feel sorry for Remus. I know there was something between him and Sirius. I'm not sure what it was, but I know he's angry with me for killing him. But, I'd much prefer him to yell. I can't stand his kindness. It isn't deserved. I don't deserve any kindness.  
Sure it wasn't my hand (or wand) that killed him. But it all amounts to the same thing. If I had just listened to Remus and Sirius. If only I had just tried what Snape had told me. If I had just done better, Sirius might still be here.  
Why are you looking at me that way? He's dead. That's all there is to it. There's no way he could still be alive. He would have answered me if he was. He would have come back.  
I've killed the only Father I ever really knew. I deserve to be alone. Everyone who cares about me dies. I don't want to hurt anyone else. So I won't have any friends. I won't let them care about me. If I hurt them now, at least they'll be alive later.  
I know what you're thinking now. 'Don't give up, just go get even with Voldemort!' If only it were that easy. I'm lucky to be here now. If only Voldemort had just killed me then.  
Do you know what it's like having the entire world rely on you to save them? Probably not, because you're not me, now are you? Well just try to imagine it, will you? Because that's what I'm feeling right now.  
By remaining silent, I can live in my own world. I can ignore everyone, I can exist in one solitary place. I can believe what I want, and ignore what I don't want to believe. I can be me. No one sees who I really am.  
If I refuse to acknowledge their presence, perhaps the world will ignore me as well. I pose no threat to anyone like this.  
You probably think I am just a coward, taking the cowards way out. But if that was true, I would no longer be here at all. I have had many such thoughts myself, and many opportunities to carry out the deed. Maybe it makes me even more cowardly to still be here. I could never make myself do the necessary thing.  
In any case, I would be better off in my own isolated world. I would be better off away from all people. There is no need to be around people. If I am around them, they are in danger.  
I didn't want to come to Grimmauld Place. I wanted Remus to forget me. I wanted them all to forget me. But they wouldn't go away.  
I hate them so much. I hate them for being able to forgive me for killing him. I hate them for not hating me. I hate them for caring so much.  
  
I just want to be alone. I don't want to be where I can hurt others. I don't want to hurt anyone ever again. I wish I could just fade away. I wish I could be swallowed up by the earth itself.  
That will never happen though. Life will go on the way it always has, and everyone will depend on me. I'll go back to Hogwarts, and I'll have to speak to them again. I will have to go back to my old life, and save everyone from the evil I allowed to return. I'll have to be the famous Harry Potter. And no one will really see me for who I am.  
  
A/N: Well, the end of the chapter has arrived. I know, it likely sucked big time, and I apologize. Really I do. Please review me and tell me what I need to fix, and what you liked. 


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